Day 134 - Ego/Insecurity

Theory:
Ego cannot exist without insecurity, but insecurity can exist without ego. I see it a lot. The biggest egos are always the most insecure people. By-the-way, I work in the finance industry. Talk about insecurity! Let's put a bunch of the "smartest" people together, give them a task that is graded on almost imperceptible differences in performance, which can be wiped out in a flash by unpredictable events. Oh yeah, and because they are "smart", let's pay them a lot of money to do it! Wait, bear with me here I'm figuring it all out, I have an ego that is fed by my insecurity, but I'm in an industry that by its nature creates insecurity because there is almost no difference in performance of what a "good" analyst and a "bad" one does? In other words, you don't have to "do" anything, but if you talk a big game from what I've seen, you are a "good" analyst! Um, teacher? Can I change my answer? I would like to be a Fireman now... What it's too late? Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I certainly wouldn't if I took myself too seriously, if I didn't have fun with it all, trust me I know a lot of unhappy campers. Often times, it drives them to feed their insecurities by doing things better, they are constantly trying to be the best, to satisfy the insatiable, it is kind of like drinking water when you are hungry, it doesn't' work. Have you ever heard about the long hours on Wall Street? You can read these people like a book in my opinion, this is what they are doing but, then maybe that is my ego talking. Hmmm, I'm confusing myself. Ego, pride, arrogance, you know and I know that I'm better than you so... Ummm will you do me a favor? I don't know how to ask it, but, uh, can you, will you please tell me that its true? Because, honestly I'm not sure. Screw it, every time you tell me, I just increases my hunger for it, I guess I'll go put somebody down or attack somebody for no reason or at least fill my head full of useless facts and big words to tell them. By-the-way, I have always thought that you were stupid anyway. I thought this was a surf blog...

Whatever, take off your white wig... in the water, on land, puff that chest out you are insecure. Use big words when you don't need to, you are insecure. Don't let a guy get a wave that disrespected you, you are insecure. Do nothing, you are insecure. Don't fight back, you are insecure. Fight back like a rabid dog, you are insecure. So, if you have not figured it out yet, what I'm saying is that we are all insecure, it just manifests itself in different ways. However, there are different degrees of insecurity, and once again, that is not the point, the point is that ego is inversely correlated with insecurity. Being nice to people for no reason, treat them with respect for no reason, then you'll be turning insecurity on its head, you'll be breaking down the formula that drives you, you'll be breaking down primal human nature. Remember, if you have a reason for respecting someone, you are not being selfless. In other words, if you have something to gain, then it is about you, and that my friend is that little voice trying to shovel more ego into the insecurity furnace. But if you do it for no reason, then you are letting go of that insecurity, you are climbing down from the totem pole and trust me, it'll make you happier. It dawned on me out in the water today, I had a couple of good waves and I struck up a conversation with somebody who was just learning. The dude was just random, but he was so stoked to talk to me, he must have suddenly felt included out there. I definitely do not do this enough, but I bet that if I opened up these conversations a bit more, it would result in more respect and more waves, which is typically the goal of having stink-eye in the first place. The real upside is just to be human, since life exists in our interactions, a result of having respect is that both sides benefit from this general kindness, which is both selfish and selfless if you want to talk about paradoxes...

Waves were fun, I had a legit 3-turner. Trying to link turns, having fun doing that. I'm looking forward to tomorrow as the H1N1 seems to be subsiding slightly. I hope there will be waves. It was about chest high with some morning sickness, but pretty solid, not mushy at all. I like that, it fits my style.